Wed 12 Aug
Lie-in, argue w gf, had breakfast at 11 - potato pie then berries, yoghurt & toasted oats. Cycled into the centre to visit CAC contemporary arts centre as it’s free on Weds, and watched half of both Arthur Jafa films, “Dreams Are Colder Than Death” is an essay stitching interviews from Black artists and educators talking about their experiences of growing up in America or with Western culture, and “akingdomcomethas”, a dizzying collage of Black Christian church singers and jazz solos which themselves resemble, and are interspersed with, images of violence and police brutality. I have no lived experience of religion, after watching these films I interpret how faith can connect marginalised people with a collective hope network which supports them through the oppression, pain and injustice of their daily reality. I sit on a plaza with a coffee and some viennese-type biscuits in silence, thinking about how important it is for White people to sit through uncomfortable artwork to self-reflect and understand even one iota about the Black experience. Naturally it’s difficult because we are not trained to look non-judgmentally, which leads to gatekeeping culture based on a very narrow colonial taste and a distinct denial of alternative experiences.
I buy some 2euro white cotton clothes from a charity shop for eco-dyeing. I realise the time, pick up some jars and spices for the fermentation workshop I am doing in the evening and cycle back, which ended up being excellent and reminded me how much I enjoy teaching the practicals. We have become so anxious about food, so blindly reliant on institutions (supermarkets, governments, corporations) to decide our diet, so scared of trying new things. I find it fascinating (trying to make less judgements so as to empathise with reasoning) how fermenting seems terrifying to many, as if we don’t trust thousand year old recipes, and I would directly relate this to the degradation of local knowledge and the learned helplessness of consumerism.
The workshop goes well, and I remember how much I enjoy teaching the basics to first-timers. I try to transmit enthusiasm and wonder through my presentation style rather than bone-dry science and there’s something about troubleshooting for food-anxious people that is very soothing. Once it’s over I clean down then my gf reads me a bed-time story over the phone and I fall asleep almost immediately.
THURS 13 AUG
Nothing much happened this morning, I feel like I’m slipping into a late rising trap but then if this is what my body needs, is there a problem? I have a lot of anxiety around Time, and specifically time-keeping; being late, missing deadlines, day / date confusion, forgetting appointments. My brain is so good at juggling multiple things at once, at rationalising and embracing chaos, and at learning practical skills intuitively, but it will not grasp the reality of Capitalist Time. I have tried keeping paper diaries and online calendars but give up way too easily, and more recently I am playing with day-plans (timetabling). I find this helps structure my day a little better, and highlights the arbitrariness of numbers - why does it matter if I do that at 9am or 5pm? is it important to have this done by 12pm? I’m beginning to understand some of the root causes are things that have happened to me rather than bad decision-making: having choice paralysis in any sort of shopping scenario, being a serial procrastinator due to a lack of self-confidence, working hospitality jobs where speed and efficiency are mandatory, repeatedly being picked up late by parents over man years.
In the afternoon, I cycled 10k to a sculpture park, which was essentially some creepy wooden figures of plant/child hybrids in a dense pine forest, and ate a packed lunch in a treehouse. It was extremely quiet and serene, so I went for a stomp and ended up having a successful mushroom pick. Cycled back then went for a swim in the river. There was an event at Rupert in the evening, with a DJ playing very mediocre eurodance from a flashing flatpack booth on top of a shipping container. Reminded me of Pop Brixton and everything I avoid in south London.
Friday 14 aug
Legs hurting from cycling so had a study day (maybe this is how day-planning works). Started with a zoom workshop and deep chats with Anna Chrystal Stephens, who showed me some nettle braiding and taught me cording with plastic waste. It was super good to discuss survival practice in and out of the city and how we both use post-consumer materials to help process eco-trauma. Tidied the studio and reorganised my desk, creating piles of trash for different projects, and dry some more herbs on the windowsill.
There is another meeting in the afternoon about a project in September, which I’m excited for, then I put on a shirt and get a bus into town. Sit at the bar in Delta Mityba, a small diy artist-run restaurant next to a car wash, order a pumpkin & peanut bao, some house dumplings and a bottle of local gose. I steam through big chunk of Together by Richard Sennett. Tautvydas sends me his location and I walk to Tauro Hill where the Belarus support party we were going to attend has already been shut down. Instead we meet Celine to go to a bar and drink some great cocktails. We then go to a techno party next door and dance til 6am as if it was the last chance.
Saturday 15 AUG
hangover, wake up midday
eat melon
Go for a burger, then ice cream
back for a nap
picnic buffet on the beach under the stars at pakrante
It was beautiful
Sun 16 August
Slept like a log on Saturday night even though it was a hot one. My bed is on the floor on a mezzanine in a pine-walled studio, I had to makeshift some airflow using a stand-up fan strapped upside-down to a bannister, seemed to work. In the morning I had podge cakes (recipe at the end), did some painful yoga then sunbathed for a whole two hours and had a dip in the river. After lunch (leftover picnic) I did some work on the studio bikes. I want to take one with me to Nida tomorrow so had to oil and tighten some nuts. I have started watching a Korean tv series on netflix called Oh, My Venus about a female lawyer who used to be gorgeous and is now not(!) and mostly follows her unfortunate love-life, poor diet and stretched interpersonal relationships. I am enjoying watching with subtitles as it’s helping me develop my poor grasp of even the most simple narratives, and it’s super interesting to see how key themes of love, family and career are written in so clearly. It’s quite predictable in form, a bit like watching Heartbeat, which I loved.
Monday 17 August
Up early to catch a train to Klaipeda, cycled to the station and noticed an issue with the bike but too late to turn back, assuming I could sort it once at the other end. Got a 1euro ferry across to the Curconian spit, had a quick bike fix and suncream up, then started the 50km route to Nida, almost exactly halfway down the peninsula and bordering with Kalingrad, Russia. The first half I absolutely pelted; I’d been sitting down for four hours and wanted to make a big dent before I stopped for snacks. Tall pine forests on the east and grey sand dunes on the west, almost entirely. Around 28km, my seat slid down to the base and I bent my tool trying to tighten the bolt. I ate some crisps and sipped water instead of getting pissed off. The next portion was pretty difficult, the path undulated and I shonked the nut tight a few times before stopping to borrow a tool from another cyclist. I must have taken a wrong turn because the last 10km was the main road and I was riding this thing like a bmx as the sun was going down.
As I check into the hostel I get a message from a friend-of-a-friend saying they’re firing up the sauna on the beach with some other artist from a local project. My legs are shot but I’m not missing this. We shared a few hours of sauna / swim combo, talking about Beijing (where two are from), herbal medecine and clubs, it was a very precious moment.
Tues 18 AUG
I was expecting my legs to seize up tbh but the hot cold hot cold did the trick. The hostel is so budget, which is fine, so I microwave some oats I brought with me and eat with a banana. I cycle up to the Nida Art Colony where they stay and get a lift to the next town for a ceramics class. We’re making trad salt dishes in a ‘cultural centre’ which is very village churchy. It’s fun but I check out after 40mins and go read Haraway by the water. The others make multiple objects and leave them to be fired. Afterwards we get dropped back in Nida and NoNo and I go for lunch. I have saltibarsciai and potatoes, then herring and beets and more potatoes; I have never felt more satisfied abroad than by Lithuanian cuisine, I must have been Baltic in a past life.
We discuss environmental responsibility and how we always think institutions will be like communes, we chat fondly about our other halves, and frustratedly about living in cities. It’s super nice and grounding. I head off for therapy over the phone, have a lie down in the hostel, then trek out to the dunes. There is an enchanting diversity of overlapping landscapes in this region; almost all edges. I go as far as the forbidden signs at the strip of protected land before Kalingrad then take some photos of wildflowers (thyme & blue galia). I turn back and walk through sand, dry tundra, damp forest and a quarry incline on the way to pick up my bike. Yesterday has caught up with me so I have a few pints and a sandwich in a topsy-turvy outdoor bar while making cord from plastic bags and get an early night with and an episode of Oh, My Venus.
Podge cakes recipe
I first made this after having leftover millet cakes at Sandor Katz’ ranch during a residency last year and just applied it to my fav grain. It’s dead chap and quick and I like having a mixture of toppings.
Make double or triple the usual amount of porridge for breakfast, with 50:50 water & milk. Eat one portion with something delicious like peanut butter and peaches. Transfer the rest to a tupperware and let it cool, then fridge it. The next morning get a frying pan hot and oiled, then either spoon out or slice your po’dge and fry until crispy on both sides. I’ll normally have it with a dollop of jam, yoghurt, kimchi and some cheese or fruit.